"Smelling isn't everything" said the Elephant. "Why," said the Bulldog, "If a fellow can't trust his nose, what is he to trust?"
"Well, his brains perhaps," she replied mildly.
C.S. Lewis
I absolutely love this quote. But it did get me thinking....
What value does trust have in our home ?
I know that children on the spectrum are labelled or defined as Trustworthy, honest, because they only see things in black and white. they are categorised as having no "grey Area thinking". that is, to see both sides of a predicament or opinion. I know in my situation... this is all a load of absolute rubbish!
Well I'm just being honest!
The word "trust" in our home has a past. I realise you are thinking.....what is she talking about? To explain.... trust in our home has always been quite valued. We lived a very open and honest life, transparent, so I thought. I would pride myself on raising polite, honest young men. My relationship with the boys father, honest and upfront... "say it how it is, no beating around the bush." Even in the classroom, we would send out the message of , "Be respectful, Be truthful, Be friends." and "Treat others as you would want to be treated." But I often wonder what value the truth actually has in society or really in the world ? a world that will eventually be at my boys beckoning. If I wasn't truthful with myself, I wasn't going to be able to prepare them to go forth and face a situation that was full of lies, mistrust, Deceit and masks. How could they possibly survive? Would they continually be taken advantage of ? Most of us have great skills at Deciphering body language, tone, expression, and can tell the difference between a con and someone being honest. Whereas, like kids on the spectrum, can't. Some learn from past experiences - rather harshly either through a broken relationship, friendship or job. Some of us loose finances being ripped off by people who portray to be something they are not. or buy an item that appears to be in good condition only to find out later, it's junk! Life is full of these types of situations. Maybe it is a case of working out the difference between a white lie,(in case you hurt someone you care about ) or not having the confidence to say what you really think in a given situation. Instead of Confrontation some use silence and restraint, rather that to be honest and say what they think. Maybe it is a case of... better to walk away than to face realities knowing the result will erupt into aggression. I don't know. I am not sure I want to live in a totally honest world anyway. Imagine that! On a bad hair day, lack of sleep and feeling like a train wreck.... is it really going to help, having those who you care about telling you what they really think? interesting thought, but I think I rather be lied to or shown a bit of compassion.
After going through some of the hardest lessons I think I will ever have to experience in my life-time, watching my children loose total trust in the one person they should never have to, i think maybe there is too much focus on the word "trust". Besides how many of us tell lies or "Stretch the truth" every day. I know I have. Usually to protect my children from going through pain. But what happens when these boys become men. I would hate to think they were not open and honest in their lives, relationships and most importantly, honest with themselves. It is always easier not to see the truth when comes to ourselves, isn't it. harder to look at the reality of a situation or take responsibility for our actions. But are we really doing ourselves any favours if we don't ? Are we not just building up "baggage" ? Eventually all that baggage will weigh us down and maybe one day, we will not be able to rise up and keep going. Is it really that hard for people to be honest? I mean, if we cannot face the person we want to confront, we can always write a letter or send an email.... that is the age we live in. Beautiful really. We don't have to expose ourselves, always having a safety net.
Facing facts.... to be honest and live honestly, to be an open book, to tell people we care about what we really think, takes guts! Some of us have it.... some of us don't. I am quite sure though to be a positive guide to our children, to be a worthy role model, earn respect and love from those around us requires honesty with ourselves. I couldn't bare living a complete lie my entire life. I don't think I could look at myself in the mirror. I know I couldn't carry on living that lie and still achieve all that I want to achieve. But than again I have been told in the past, my morals and values are way too high. I guess it comes down to a personal decision. Only you can decide how to live your life and raise your children. I think rather than pushing our kids to be honest..... to always tell the truth, we should maybe trying to model and foster a respectful relationship. teaching Our kids how to communicate. I mean, if we respect and value each other and we know how to communicate, then we wouldn't really have to be deceitful or lie. If respect and knowledge is there, we can listen, think and voice our opinions (that's communicating). we can confidently do this without hiding what we really want to say. Modelling these skills too, we in essence, would be showing compassion and acceptance.
I have always held onto hope that as my boys grow they will be able to turn to me about anything. That they will know they can trust me to keep their confidence and always support them. I guess the first step towards this is to give them some space. By doing this and getting on with my life, they have the space to experience things without me hovering....trying to know everything that is going on with them. That is a hard thing to do as a parent. To let them go! Especially when you know, Life can cause pain.
I guess this is where i have to decide whether i want to let go, live life, love again and model forgiveness, moving on a little wiser. I know time plays a huge role here. this surely would be a better road to greater fulfilment. I know this is ultimately where i want to be and I guess, if I can show this to my sons, they will be able to join me, in time. to have us all on that path, growing stronger in character and learning to have faith, in not only those around us, but more importantly in ourselves does not seem like such an unrealistic dream any more.
No comments:
Post a Comment