Challenges and Victories

Throughout my life I have experienced many challenges and many small victories. 

Yes, the emphasis seems to be on "small victories".... but when parenting, I am not just referring to children with needs. I feel we need to be more positive and embrace the smaller achievements. Who knows, when all these smaller "wins", witnessed and acknowledged by both parent and child, become more frequent....those that are few will grow into many, and before we realise it, the balance of scales shift. I know from first hand experience the power of positive thinking. To live life with hope and let go of feelings and thoughts that drain us physically and mentally, is far more achievable than most would think.

It wasn't too long ago that I had felt completely lost. I had no idea of who I was, where I was going, how to parent my children or even how to be a friend to those who surrounded me. I would shut out family who just wanted to love and support me, I was, in essence giving in, falling. I felt broken and could not see any direction. I felt that I was unable to raise two boys on my own and could see no "light at the end of the tunnel." It was like a disease, eating me up and overcoming me with such rigour, that I could not see anything positive or worthwhile about my life or more importantly me. I felt like everyone was out to hurt me... like my actions were constantly in slow motion....surreal! Many of you are probably thinking, and would be right in assuming.... yes... depression. This is not something that I am ashamed of, nor is it "taboo" to discuss, like in my other households. I was not a "mental case" for having depression, I was not a "fruit-loop" or any of those other terms we are all guilty of using when referring to mental health issues. 

I had in my life, experienced many layers of life changing events. I believe, and clearly see now, that when all these "layers" build on each other, growing with such intensity and power, the only option really for our body and mind, is complete shut down. Now, this is where I think we can all relate. Some of us have no way of recharging or "re-booting" our body to "rise up, cope and continue." Some of us need the love and support of our friends and family to help us recharge, some of use need medical assistance, while some, and yes these people are out there..... tend to come out of it on their own, in time. For me I guess it was family and my own determination that drove me back to the road leading forward. I have a strong will, but I am not invincible. I am far from perfect, making many mistakes but I will keep going. I try to be positive and realistic about life. This is probably a laughable statement to those who know me well, as they are the ones that have to listen to me vent over things I am not happy about. But generally speaking I am more positive each and every day. 

I have been riding the Autism Roller-coaster for a few years now and I know that through thinking positively about my son's disabilities, by having dreams and goals for myself and my children, by letting things go, by slowing down and taking the time to "breathe", by learning to be "friends" with myself, my children and others, by opening myself up to new experiences, new hope, new people and learning to connect again with what I value..... is how I can be positive about my family's future. 

There is not quick fix when it comes embracing life, love and experience. Everything takes time. I am just at the start of my journey. But I guess the one thing I hold very dear to my heart is the fact that, I have people who believe in me. When I thought I was alone, I wasn't. When I felt useless, I was reminded of my achievements, when I felt unheard... people around me listened. They were always there.... but it took me some time to slow down and notice them and be thankful for their presence. The power of positive thinking has to start with you.

Dedicated to my children, my family and my dearest friends here and afar. All that I am is because of your faith in me.