INTRODUCING MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER.

INTRODUCING MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER.

"A daughter is the happy memories of the past, the joyful moments of the present, and the hope and promise of the future."  unknown

Today is my beautiful daughter's birthday. She will be 22 years old.

I haven't mentioned her before in the blog because when I decided to start off this venture, she was heavily pregnant, about to give birth to her second daughter.  I figured asking her permission to blog about our life.... would be the last thing on her mind.  

So now that she is well and truly experiencing motherhood in all it's glory, and is suffering from exhaustion and baby-brain.... I finally got her permission!
(It's a Mother-guilt thing!)

My daughter has been like a gift to me.  I never got the opportunity to have a girl myself, always longed for one... but instead was blessed with two boys....hmmmmm!    

So having this wonderful, strong, beautiful, intelligent woman in our lives that I can call my daughter.... has been a dream come true.  

By now you have probably gathered that she is my step-daughter. Z... came into our lives when my eldest son was about 3 years old.  I can remember feeling absolutely terrified of her. It was a very big shock to tell you the truth. But she was a beautiful and kind teenage girl... searching for a reconnection with her biological father... (my ex-husband and my son's father.)  I recall this being a turbulent time in my marriage... it was emotional and challenging facing these changes. Even though I never wanted to stand in the way of this relationship, at times it was hard. I guess the one thing that I kept reminding myself of was.... this girl was innocent... an innocent causality of circumstances.  I did try to ensure my ex-husband had time and the opportunity to get to know his daughter way before our introduction. I had assumed she was probably just as scared of me.  But I think, I also needed the chance to get my head around the many, many indiscretions reiterated to me during my partnership with her dad.  Trust is very difficult to earn back once it is broken. But when we are young, foolish and with a very naive attitude.... holding onto faith and my wedding vows, standing in support was the only option. 
Luckily for me really... because when I did finally get the opportunity to meet Z, I was drawn to this happy, funny, very grown-up, gorgeous girl. 
I really need to credit the exceptional woman she is today to her Mum.  As a fellow sole parent at the time, she raised my step-daughter with unconditional love, support, integrity and determination, only a parent would understand.

My boys have grown-up with their sister being a big part of their lives. She was there when my youngest was born, and has experienced just as much heart-ache and joy as I have riding the roller coaster of "Autism."  She has loved and supported my sons and I, as we all grieved when her dad and I ended our marriage. She has helped guide my eldest through some extremely difficult times - mainly because she knew exactly how and what he was feeling. She has never judged and always accepted my youngest son's traits and difficult behaviour.... and that is an extremely hard thing to do when you are a teenager.  It would have been challenging for her and it still is, trying to connect and communicate with a brother who suffers from Autism. One who doesn't talk back or show affection like her other siblings. I think it breaks her heart, just as much as mine sometimes.
Over the years, Z and I have become quite close. I have been there to witness the first broken heart - feeding her ice-cream and chocolate under a blanket in our lounge room, her first love.... who she is still with.... felt the pride as she turned sweet sixteen, then graduated from high school with a Dux award for Photography. The purchase of her first home with an adoring partner and finally (so far) the birth of her first... and then second child.... two beautiful princesses... just like their Mum. Many many milestones, which I am so grateful to have been there to see.  She is an incredible Mother to her daughters and is surrounded by wonderful friends and family. 
 Time has passed quickly and watching her grow and change has been really over-whelming.  Her inner strength to overcome challenges is inspiring and to watch her become a mother ..... it leaves me quite speechless. I am so proud of this young woman...  
I couldn't imagine our life without her.
My daughter.... and my friend!

Happy Birthday Sweet-heart.
Love Mum xo

My latest grand-daughter....... 

  

KABOOM !

KABOOM!

It's been one of those days.......  luckily the sun will rise tomorrow and we will start again!

Maybe the holes in the walls of Learning Support and the giant egg on my youngest son's head won't look so bad in the morning.

Don't ask me what went wrong....I honestly could not tell you.  All we know is that today.... he did not want to be in the classroom or anywhere near the other children he adores so much!

Crumbs!......

OOZING HAPPINESS

Oozing Happiness.

I am only new to the whole Social Networking Phenomenon.  Hooking up with people you have lost touch with over time can be daunting. Personally it wasn't something I wanted to do.  I'm not sure if that was because I didn't want others to know what was going on in my life, or whether I was somewhat disappointed in the way life had turned out. Different from the dreams I had in the past. Maybe a bit of both.

Time can be an incredibly healing power. Time to learn acceptance, time to find direction, time to heal from hurt, time to recharge and move forward.  Once you have that time, you begin to see your life and the directions taken in a different light. I am finding, that slowly I have been coming back out of my "shell". Wanting to socialise with old friends, wanting to connect again with those people who knew the "real" you..... the person who you have always been, but had lost.... in a sense.  Having a child with a disability can be incredibly strenuous. Everything you have, every amount of energy you posses is invested into your child. Every decision you make as a parent is questioned and analysed. Days are difficult.  Socially you do not a lot of time for outings, parties, get-togethers or play-dates, as basically they are not easy feats to pull off successfully. I can recall a park play date. While other Mums and Dads got to sit around talking and joking, I was usually chasing my son around the park, ensuring he wasn't getting himself into anything dangerous or into a confusing situation with other children - being non-verbal. (I would talk for him.)  During those early years I found myself slowly becoming a social recluse.  Even going to a shopping centre was difficult as it would erupt in tears, squeals and head-butts.  There was never any opportunity to stop and window shop or enjoy a hot coffee. My time was usually spent, running from one therapist to the next, trying to stay on top of my older son's commitments and house work. I missed my friends and the conversations that we had.... I missed the freedom of feeling "normal".  When my youngest son was only little, I relied on my friendship with the boys dad.  This wasn't what I wanted or had expected to happen.... it just did.  I mean of course he would understand .... it was our son. (I can look back now and see so many mistakes....you cannot rely on others for your happiness.)  All my friends had tried to keep in touch but most of the time I would just cut them out.  Tired and unhappy.  Everything became so hard.  Even when the boys dad and I parted ways.... I kept most of my female friends at bay. Ashamed at the situation I found myself in. I avoided the social groups at school for almost a year.  Every time I did see someone, I would just fall apart.

  I can remember sitting in a counsellors office, feeling so lost over the future. She had said to me, "What will make you happy?"  I couldn't answer her because I didn't know. You would think it would have been to have "neurotypical children, or have my family and marriage back the way it was. But.... no.... I didn't want any of those things... I just didn't know. I had no idea of who I was as a person, my personality or my spirit.  I couldn't think of future plans, I couldn't see any hope or remember what it was like to feel relaxed and happy.  Those days, weeks and months were really bleak times. 

  However... I believe that sometimes we need to go through the dark to get to the light.

And now... as time as passed, 5 long years later, I guess I am more like the person I used to be. I am happier and I have so many reasons to smile.  Life is still really challenging.... but that is o.k. I have direction. I am still exhausted, but I rest when I can. I find the time to keep in touch with my friends, and have a laugh. I make the effort to socialise with other families.... it doesn't always end in disaster... sometimes it's really easy and we have a great time. I take time out for me. I have hopes and dreams for the future again. I am optimistic about what I am achieving as a parent.  I enjoy what life is offering now rather than seeing it as drain.  My friends and family have noticed these changes and are  supportive of things we do - this alone gives me hope and strength to stay positive.  Only the other day I reconnected (networking) with a friend who I used to teach with. She was and still is a great friend.....luckily for me. She sent a message saying that I looked and sounded really happy.  I could honestly tell her that I was. This was a huge moment for me.  To stop and realise that I am happy. Taking time to look back from where I had come from. To see that things in my personal life are pretty good. I guess you could say that I am content with where I am and what I have (even though an occasional vent can be heard from the garden of serenity, at the back of our home.)  I am comfortable with my children's disabilities, enough to be their voice talking about Autism, at peace with hardship experienced and learning to feel safe and secure in my faith and the direction of my future. I am beginning to trust myself and my decisions once again. My family are by my side as are friends, guides who bring out the best of me.

 A close confidant once told me that.... 

"to have happiness in your life you have to be happy in life." 

So take note from someone who is on that path.....  hold onto hope, as happiness never go away. It's always there for us to have in our lives. Keep life simple... aspire to those things that are achievable; hope, faith, belief, love, happiness, purpose and peace. You will be surprised at what this simplicity brings.  I know I constantly am!

POLITICIANS INVITED TO WALK IN CARERS SHOES FOR A DAY!

Lets not only challenge Julia Gillard here, but maybe Bill Shorten should come down off his Assistant Treasurer throne and step up to the challenge as well. This minister wears two masks....caution!

Raeblogs.

Politicians receive a compelling invitation from the nation's carers.

Mike Steketee 

From:

The Australian

April 30, 2011 12:00AM

BY the time Julia Gillard returns from the royal wedding, she will have a letter with a less gilt-edged invitation waiting for her.
It is to spend a day helping care for a person with a severe disability -- to "walk in our shoes" as Sue O'Reilly and Fiona Porter, who signed the letter and who have disabled children, put it. "There are many parents of adults and children with special needs who believe that politicians, although sympathetic, do not really fully appreciate what it is like to be in our situation," they write.
If the Prime Minister is too busy on a weekday, a Saturday or Sunday would be fine, they add, since "it is of course the case that supporting a person with severe dependent disabilities is, for many tens of thousands of carers, a seven-day-a-week role".
To ensure that such an event is more than just a photo opportunity, they suggest Gillard spends at least 10 hours with a disabled person. The same letter has gone to nine other leaders and politicians with responsibilities in the area, including Wayne Swan, Tony Abbott, Julie Bishop, Joe Hockey and Bob Brown.
The campaign for proper recognition of people with disabilities and their needs has come a long way in the three years since the 2020 summit adopted as one of its "big ideas" a new, insurance-based system proposed by Bruce Bonyhady, chairman of disability service provider Yooralla.
The Rudd government referred the issue to the Productivity Commission, whose draft report in February recommended a national disability insurance scheme to replace the present "underfunded, unfair, fragmented and inefficient" system.
An NDIS would provide long-term care and support for about 360,000 Australians under 65 with permanent or very costly disabilities such as autism, Asperger's, some intellectual impairments, multiple sclerosis, congenital conditions, quadriplegia, blindness and deafness.
Rather than money, most would get an entitlement to a package of assistance, including care, transport and other physical help, therapies, aids and equipment. But there also would be an option for people to cash out their entitlement and organise their own support services.
The argument for an insurance rather than welfare approach is that it creates incentives to minimise costs, through, for example, early intervention and employment initiatives that help people become more independent -- what the commission calls spending dollars to save more dollars.
Like Medicare, every Australian would be covered against the risk of a significant disability but it would come at a cost, estimated by the commission at $6.3 billion a year, which is twice the funding now provided by state and federal governments.
It suggests the money come from the federal budget rather than a specific tax levy. That means finding savings elsewhere, raising taxes or both.
The commission more often brings down reports suggesting how governments can operate more efficiently rather than splashing around large amounts of money. But it says funding the scheme is "manageable, taking into account a wealthy and growing economy" and that the present system, with rapidly rising costs, is unsustainable.
The extra funding would represent about 1.8 per cent of total federal government spending. The report's most telling argument is that this is an area that should be one of the government's core responsibilities: "It should be noted that, were government to be starting with a blank slate in determining its funding priorities, there would be a strong rationale for provision of disability services to be one of its highest spending priorities."
Despite the government's in-principle support for a new approach, people with disabilities and their carers and supporters are concerned about the issue losing traction in Canberra. There are any number of challenging issues jostling for attention and Gillard is being urged not to make Kevin Rudd's mistake of fighting on too many fronts. Inevitably, too, there is concern about the cost, although none of it would fall within the present budget cycle, with its preoccupation on returning to surplus.
Doubts about Gillard's commitment increased when she failed to include anyone with responsibility for disabilities in her initial announcement of the new ministry after the election. In the revised list she gave the job to parliamentary secretary Jan McLucas. Since then, there has been talk of Gillard and Swan wanting to "manage expectations" -- political speak for lowering them.
In one sense, this is understandable: the commission still has to produce its final report (by July 31), although it is unlikely to change its main recommendations. A change as big as it is suggesting will take time to introduce: the draft report suggests starting the scheme in 2014 in one part of Australia to allow fine tuning and fully phasing it in between 2015 and 2018.
The commission's preferred model involves the states and territories ceding responsibilities to the commonwealth, inevitably meaning some tortuous negotiations. The Barnett government in Western Australia already is baulking at the idea, saying its own system is the best.
If Gillard and Swan would like to lower the profile of the issue, advocates of reform are intent on not letting them. They may find excuses for not accepting the "walk in our shoes" invitation but they will run the risk of appearing hard-hearted.
O'Reilly and Porter are looking at widening the idea to asking all politicians to spend a day with a person with a disability. Last year, they launched the Mad as Hell campaign that collected 20,000 signatures from voters pledging to support only parties committed to an NDIS. They are prepared to go further in the next federal election and set up a party to run candidates in marginal seats to direct preferences to whoever commits to including an NDIS in the next budget.
If one thing is clear, it is that this is an issue that will not fade away. On Monday, Bill Shorten, who as parliamentary secretary for disabilities was a vocal advocate for reform and is now Assistant Treasurer, will give the opening address to the National Disability and Carer Conference, which has attracted more than 800 registrations. Whatever reservations Swan and others have, Shorten, together with Community Services Minister Jenny Macklin, remain enthusiasts for an NDIS.
Many in the opposition are sounding even keener. After the last election, the Liberals' Mitch Fifield successfully argued to Tony Abbott that the portfolio should be elevated from parliamentary secretary to ministerial status and that he should stay in the job. "Our starting point is that we recognise that the current system is bust," he tells Inquirer. "We will give the most generous consideration to the Productivity Commission's final report . . . I don't baulk at the cost."
In a rare event under the Abbott opposition, Fifield is offering bipartisanship. The NSW and Victorian Coalition governments are strong supporters, with the Baillieu government having set up an NDIS implementation unit and offering to trial the scheme.
O'Reilly and Porter drew their inspiration for their latest initiative from the new Liberal MP for the Sydney federal seat of Hughes, Craig Kelly, who told parliament in his first speech last November that, as the father of a 14-year-old son with Down syndrome and autism who does not speak, he wanted to tell parents with a special needs child "that you have someone who stands on the floor of this parliament that walks in your shoes".
He added: "As a society we ask our carers to provide over one billion hours of unpaid work a year which, if we the taxpayers had to pick up the tab, would cost well over $30bn. Simply, as a society, we are asking our carers to do more than their fair share of the heavy lifting."

Related Coverage
Failing system disabling economy Courier Mail, 4 days ago
Cost of disability scheme under question The Australian, 8 Apr 2011
Bonig: Disabled need more funding Adelaide Now, 13 Mar 2011
Capolingua: Give us a sturdy leg to stand on Perth Now, 5 Mar 2011
Cast off as 'unproductive' for life The Australian, 4 Mar 2011

A New Blog to Check Out!

A New Blog to Check Out!

We as parents like to think we have a positive influence on our children.

Well... like his Mother, my son has decided to try Blogging!

My son has just started his very own Blog on Go-Karting.

the address is:

http://www.boltproracing.blogspot.com/

Check it out and see how he is going!

I'm so proud!