ONE STEP AT A TIME.
It's been one of those weeks. The kind when you wish you never got out of bed on Monday morning, which seems like a life-time ago. I knew it was going to be busy, but was not expecting the rise and fall of emotion, stress and exhaustion, that has followed.
This week I have been in and out of meetings, appointments and counselling trying to keep the ASD scales balanced between my two sons. For once things seem to be quite stable with my eldest. Everything is positive besides the continued hormonal, limit pushing of parental boundaries that all teenagers tend to assert. What is especially worth noting here is talent and skill behind the timing of the whole "limit pushing" behaviour. Do they have an in-built radar to hone in at the absolute worst time to test your boundaries ? Anyway I shouldn't be to harsh on him.... he is a really great kid. I am extremely blessed and grateful to have such an amazing son.... in all his adolescent glory.
Now the youngest little man, is sailing along in his own little world, oblivious to the swirling waters that are circling around him. I have been listening to various specialists, doctors and teachers about my child. Hearing recommendations and advice, listening to the pros and cons of various treatments, risks associated with his upcoming tonsillectomy, the need for another EEG to investigate his seizure type behaviours, recommendations for physiotherapy to help relieve the tightening in his ankles and calf muscles from his subsequent toe-walking and the "cake-topper"... possibly addressing his behavioural issues at school with medication. So much information and so many decisions that I need to make. Honestly it clouds my judgement and I find it difficult to see anything clearly.
This load to carry is quite a lot. It affects my sleep, energy levels.... everything. In fact the draining feeling you get just from thinking all the time.... can bring you down.... taking a toll on your physical and mental health. My sister has been hot on my tail, checking in with me everyday trying to keep me focused and strong. She does her best, reassuring me and shielding me from harsh judgements. I wish this was all it took to snap me out of my "funk", and it does help...believe me....family and friend support is so important when in these types of situations. But at the end of the day, I know it is up to me.
I will need to make the final decisions, I have to wear the brunt of my choices and I have to pull myself up, ready to face another day. I know I can get through this eventually.
I am sure she will not mind.... but my sister did pass on some great advice that I am going to follow.... "One step at a time, one hour at a time...one day at a time."
These seas can't stay rough for too much longer. The storm will pass and we will be sailing on the calm waters once again. I guess I just need to take my sister's advice, hold onto my faith, believe and be patient.... (not my strong point but I am trying.)
I think I need to symbolise the challenges that I can overcome.... a visual reminder. May need to ponder on that for a while and see what I can come up with.
So here's to another new day.....
