SUPER DAD.....
COULD HE POSSIBLY HAVE SPECIAL POWERS ?
The boys father has come to town.....
I think the last time he saw my boys was around 7 months ago.... it's been hard for them.
He lives interstate with his partner and two new children... (boys).
The plan was for my boys to go and spend time at the house where he was staying.
As hard as it is.... I knew this had to happen. I supported his decision to spend time with my boys, an opportunity. Also this meant that I may actually get some time to myself. A little freedom. Plans were made to go up the coast, sleep in, not do any housework, and just be me - switch off from mum mode. The trouble is..... sometimes having kids means things just DON'T GO TO PLAN. You need to accept that as a parent and be somewhat selfless and flexible.
The first afternoon, I brought my boys home, they saw their dad's car in the driveway. Immediately my youngest yells..."Daddy!" I hadn't told him what was going on as it is usually just too hard to explain. He jumped from the car, with open arms, ran straight to his dad, smothering him in a hug that took my breath away. My older son ran to him as well, becoming quite emotional when he hugged his dad. It has always been harder on
him! After a quick and always awkward "hello", we prepared the boys for the afternoon. The plan was to slowly introduce my youngest to the house where his dad was staying, so eventually he could go and do sleep-overs. So off they went, all with a sigh of relief from me. As awful as that sounds, I never seem to worry about the boys when they are with their father. It just feels right, and natural. Anyway I was kind of looking forward to "me" time. Then it hits! within a few hours, "Super dad" as I fondly refer to him, called to inform me that my youngest who is known to be allergic to animal fur, had reacted to the cat that was in the house where he was staying. His eyes had swelled up, we think maybe his throat too as his breathing was a little affected. Super dad was on to it, bought an antihistamine and continued to take my older son to Taekwondo. By the time the boys arrived home, my youngest was really swollen. I was trying to keep a level head though, saying "well he will just have to have the antihistamine, while he stays at your place."
Even though this felt very wrong.
That night, his eyes and breathing got worse. The medicine wasn't working. I think all together my son and I got in around an hour and a half of sleep. The rest of the time he was crying, itching and rubbing. Anyone who knows these types of medications, would also know that they can only be given daily or twice daily. I couldn't give him any-more. By the next morning he couldn't even open his eyes. They were even more swollen than before and this of course caused him a lot of distress. By the time I rang school to inform them I was keeping him home and made a doctors appointment..... I was ready to kill "Super dad!"
But surprisingly you know, Super dad was just as upset as I was. And in fact, no-one had wished this to happen. There was nothing deliberate about it.... just one of those things. However my son's dad and I were not about to give up yet. I did discuss with our G.P. about different antihistamines. Sometimes you need to try a few different brands to find the one that works for you. In the mean time I had to give my son Phenergan - for the swelling. Another drug I hate as it makes him hyperactive.... not sleepy. To someone that has had no sleep... that isn't what you want to hear. But, wanting to give him some relief... we persevered through the day. Super dad arrived in the afternoon to pick up my eldest from school and take the boys out for a while. By this time my young son's eyes were back to normal, he had a sleep.... and once again, order was restored. We made the decision to try the boys again at the other house. His partner had been cleaning it all day. Now I used to cringe when I heard her name. Rightfully so too! It's a long history of betrayal and mistrust, but as I don't have feeling as such for my boys dad any longer, I was actually grateful for all her hard work. We were obviously all trying to do the right thing here.
So we crossed our fingers. The youngest had been given his antihistamine, and happily went skipping out my front door, hand and hand with his dad. But....within an hour, again the phone rings. He has reacted again. This time Super dad had noticed the irregular breathing and got him out of the house immediately.
So there it is. A week of plans for all of us.... blown up... just like the allergy-eyed kid!
What can you do? It's no-bodies fault. Just one of those things.
I guess, while driving down the street, that's when I began to realise that no-one can make my little Autistic boy light up, the way his daddy does. It is, I guess, his special power. No-one can take that from him... despite the past, despite the hurt, despite the fact that we never were meant to be as husband and wife. But as a father.....
he brings life to my son's eyes, I rarely see. I don't think Super dad knew he had this ability.... for my child to not see his dad or have any real contact (Skype is too difficult) for so long, then to suddenly have this unspoken bond, a look, a connection, almost like a knowing.... and they talk about the power of a "maternal bond!" .... it is amazing.
I didn't think that my youngest ever really knew what a "dad" was. He was so young when his father left. Since then, there has been limited contact.... but I can honestly say.... if I hadn't seen it, I would never had given my ex-husband the credit for it. I made sure he knew.... telling him before he left tonight, just how special he is to my boys, as
their dad.
You know when you are a sole parent... you are constantly trying to be both a mother and a father. Constantly trying to make up for the fact that your children live with only one parent, double the love, attention... everything. But the thing that is becoming clearer to me every time I sit and watch my boys with their father.... is of this dynamic bond. A truly incredible "super power" that only a dad can possess. Mother's have it too, but I think that at times we can all be too critical of each other's personalities and over look the real value that each of our roles hold for our children; as a mother and as a father. No one can take away a mother's love and maternal bond with her child. She is the one that carries them inside her for months. I am not disputing that. But I do feel that maybe I haven't respected the value of the relationship my boys have with their dad. Time has certainly healed wounds. That is probably why I can see that "super power" my boy's dad has with them. I could never really noticed it before. Maybe it was there. Maybe Super dad needed time to recharge.... it doesn't really matter. I actually wish with all my heart he could connect to my step-daughter like that again. I'm saddened to think that he may have missed his opportunity there. Because to see the love and difference in children when they are spending time with their father, gives everyone hope.
There is nothing like the love of a child!
So this week for me.....
Yes it would have been nice for some alone time.... but hey, what can you do about it?
No good brooding!
I will be fine... as I always am. I do try to continue smiling... and carry on, even when I'm overwhelmed ... haven't quite perfected that one as my close friends would know! -
So I guess it's time for me to just sit back and watch for a little while.
Watch that natural parent-child love blossom.
It is what all children deserve.
