ASSUMING BEHAVIOURS.
TODAY.... was a day I would like to forget please!
If only it was that easy to rewind our lives.
When collecting my youngest from his classroom this afternoon, I was told of his "shocking day!" Yes... yet another "fun-filled" 4 hours of what him squealing and head-banging apparently. I have to admit that I am getting quite over these reports! All I am hearing is his defiant and non-compliant behaviours in the classroom. Being kept in a lunch time.... mind games.... accusations of behaviours that I know, as his mother, he just doesn't have...being Autistic. He doesn't think that way.... his world doesn't operate in that way and he has not been taught how to "tease" or be disrespectful! When I look at what I have written.... I am laughing... because this is the most ridiculous accusation yet.
Maybe some focus needs to be on what challenges he is being presented with.... to result in the inappropriate behaviours. I do not believe that any child is "bad". Their behaviours are the result of circumstances. Whether it is learning difficulties, family life, social difficulties, illness.... etc. The challenge I guess is to fine a way to communicate, educate and understanding the outside factors that shape the child's behaviours.
Anyway... that is how I feel... my personal opinion and not everyone can be of similar thinking. I guess that is one of the ways my son has changed me.
So.... back to this afternoon.
My son's forehead looks like someone has smashed his head with a rock. He is bruised and battered. All of his own doing.... hand-banging out of pure frustration. The "hard-ass" discipline method.... ain't working at school. Unsure of how to respond he acts quite irrational. One minute laughing.... the next angry.... the next crying. Once the melt-down subsides.... the challenges are once again pushed onto him. So the behaviour escalates.... again.... it is a bit like a cycle. At home his behaviour isn't that unstable. He isn't sleeping well.... adding to the frustrations at school as he is tired.
Tonight I have been racking my brain looking for strategies for his school supports to use. In their defence... everyone is tired. We are nearing the end of the school year. Expectations and accountability is the focus. I have been making more picture schedules.... making charts to focus on praise rather than the negative. I am basically trying to use what I know works. I have said it before how.... sometimes those around my son forget that he is Autistic. He is not ASPERGERS.... he is NOT VERBAL.... maybe if everyone just accepted him as who he is and stopped trying to make him NORMAL or make him a genius.... things may be a little easier. One thing I learnt and firmly believe that if any child is to be challenged.... with an unknown.... they need trust, patience and the underlying foundational skills to deal and rise up to these challenges. Through our R.D.I (Relationships Developmental Intervention), we learnt so much about my son and why he acts the way he does. He is missing a lot of foundation skills, emotional regulation and control normal children just develop with time. These foundations need to be retaught so he can rise and be successful when challenged. If not he responds with "Fight and Flight". Fights the challenge or runs from the challenge as the expectations are not known, and he doesn't have the skills to ask why. As well, people do not tell him for example; why one of his aides has been missing all term.... due to illness. She just disappeared. Why he doesn't see much of his dad....why his Respite helpers have gone. We all say it's too complex to explain to him and he wouldn't understand ....but still we expect him to accept it all without any changes in his behaviour.
My son's outbursts are frustration. They always have been. Frustrated that he can not understand what is expected and frustrated that he cannot explain. He needs foundation skills in learning to use self control, regulate all his emotions and express himself in a way that doesn't involve hitting his head. Once he has these, the challenges can be made and success will be achieved. You cannot put a time time on learning. But in mainstream education... that is exactly what we do!
So tomorrow I need to go to his school and explain, educate and reason once more.... about his needs. Remind them of the basics. Slow everything down.
I really couldn't care less about what book he writes his spelling in or whether or not he glues in a sheet. I realise certain things must be practised at school... but in my son's world.... none of that is really important. He always arrives to his classroom with a happy face. He is always smiling when I pick him up. He always says, good afternoon to his teachers.... he is loved and feels that love. Just the fact he can show that... is a credit to him. It's the same old story... square peg...round hole syndrome.
I know everything will be sorted in the end.... I have some very powerful eyes watching over me and my boys..... but still exhausts and irritates my spirit!
"Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgement of the facts of a situation. Then deciding what you're going to do about it."
