"You Reap What You Sow"

You Reap What You Sow.

I was recently reading an article that referenced to the quote  "You Reap What You Sow."  This was used in a context, referring to Rugby Union Development. The idea of guiding and nurturing players in youth to support a generation of future professional players. Now I am not thinking of taking up the sport of Rugby nor am I grooming my youngest to be a Rugby boy...(even though he would make an excellent Prop or Forward, hard head, no fear mentality)...but the meaning behind this phrase did spark a train of thoughts. 

"You Reap What You Sow".....    You will see the long-term effects of your actions. Everything that you do has repercussions. It comes back to you one way or another. 

How many times, as a parent have you heard yourself saying to your child.... "you need to treat others as you would want to be treated..... or if you act that way towards people or have that attitude in life... that is how others will treat you....  then your attitude will stand as a barrier in achieving all that you can be. ?" I know I have many times, especially when trying to reason with my eldest son or even when sharing a difference of opinion with family members.  One common similarity when reflecting on your personal actions in life... was the word Judgement.

A Judgemental persons... one who is of or denotes an attitude in which judgements about other people's conduct are made.

  I recently had the following conversation with my mum.  We were discussing how people react to difference.... children in shopping centres acting in a way we may not see as appropriate or making judgements of people whom we do not know.  I very quickly raised the point of Autism Awareness, and educating others about facets involved in raising these children.  I made the statement.... "who are we to judge when we do not want others to judge L......".  When looking at life with this perspective.... my mum, stopped her one-sided rant.... thought about what I had said.... quickly agreeing.  I have personally felt the looks and heard the comments of passers-by, when they see my child in full melt-down mode at a shopping centre. The stares, the whispers, the intolerance.  I have had people abuse me, make totally inappropriate comments and statements, when my son has accidentally walked into them, as he struggles to cope with lighting, noise and the bustle of a shopping centre. His squeals are so high in pitch.... they can set off little old people's hearing aides!  At times he acts in a manner, many may perceive as a tantrum, only to be unaware he is struggling just to be in a room or setting. I genuinely think a parent of a child on the spectrum or really with any disability, can become quite insecure and vulnerable when this happens. Feelings arise of people staring, looks of pity, looks of disgust, all when their child behaves in a socially disapproving way.  Do you think this is maybe because we live in a world where opinions are cast too quickly ? 

Or where our actions are judged over knowing or hearing the truth ?  

I would like to think our world is not based solely on the opinion of others.  I will hold onto my belief that we are surrounded by good, understanding people, despite what you hear and see on the news. Many  of you may be judging me now, thinking my opinion is naive, unrealistic.  Maybe I am ?  But , I believe when raising children, one needs to have hope. We need to guide in a positive, confident manner..... that is of course if we wish to "reap" the benefits of the next generation, being motivated, peaceful, accepting and more understanding in their attitudes towards life!  Personally when in a situation where my parenting and my child are being "judged" by others, I have found, almost every time, that by keeping a calm, caring attitude and having the courage to approach those misinformed opinions, helps.  By carefully and respectfully approaching those attitudes, with information, that my response is usually one of support, quickly followed by an apology.  To be honest though, I do think the toughest challenge is when my older son has to witness actions or hear comments of others. He immediately looks to me to work out how it is he must respond.  

In the past I have chosen to ignore, storm off, vent out loud...... but over time, I now choose a different tactic when in these situations. Demonstrating understanding, was a much better approach to model to my children.  This way, I always leave with a smile on my face, not ashamed by anything my son or I have done, holding my head high.  

So  "When You Reap What You Sow".... what am I "planting" ?

I would hope that my actions and attitudes towards others and difference are on display. By reflecting on my own personal conduct, my children and other onlookers, can see how I choose to react when faced with a dilemma, (despite of the emotions boiling inside of me).  My self control, demeanour, grace and poise, is what I am "sowing" in my children, friends and family.  I continue to strive to raise my sons in this way. To see the value in their decisions and the manner in which to conduct themselves...a difficult skill to master ?..... yes!  This requires thinking, reflecting, patience and problem-solving. Children need choice in their actions and behaviour. They need to understand that emotion or aggression are not the only ways to deal with a conflict or judgement. To understand that they are responsible for their own conduct.

Think of how different society would be to have a generation of children who truly understood what it meant to be accepting of each other. To be respectful and tolerant of each other.....  sound wonderful?     I think so.    Is it impossible to achieve?  

I believe it isn't.... but it needs to start with the parents, the life guides, the people in our children's lives to have the biggest influence.... mentors, family etc

What better way to teach than through demonstration....  only then can we reap the benefits of what we "sow" within our children.