Youngest trouble-maker has been awake since 3.10am. Not a "night party" this weekend, he's restless. He nose is beginning to become congested, I'd say his tonsils are inflamed, making it difficult for him to fall into a deep sleep. I had heard him snoring quite loudly earlier in the night.
He's not bouncing around either like last weekend. He is just lying on the lounge watching a "Baby Einstein DVD". He's had these since he was very young. He likes the visual slides and classical music, the rhythmical patterns. They calm him.
I am not ignoring him but rather trying to just give space to relax. I know if I engage him too much at this point, it will only over-stimulate. He must be tired to be lying so still.
My young son had a better week at school. Quite settled, happy, less squealing and head bangs. When I recorded his behaviour for the week,(I do this to try and pinpoint triggers) and check the family schedule, I noticed two major differences;
1. It was cooler! Nights are starting to cool down. With rain and showers this week the humidity has dropped and the days have not been so "muggy". So cooler weather always equals a happier boy.
2. He had been swimming. This was part of the school program. Wed/Thurs/Fri. So I highlight the positives of the water pressure on his body and cooler weather. "Good job Mummy!" I can hear my son saying.
However, as I sit watching the beautiful day begin, I'm still a little perplexed by information relayed by his school yesterday. One of the support teachers had noticed, that during a lunch break, my boy's face went a pale white colour, followed by a long absent stare. She described it to me as "we lost him". When I asked for how long? she replied, "Only for a few minutes. It was quite weird." I was told as he was happy, chatting in his own way, the first to be changed from swimming and to get his lunch box.... then suddenly the "absence". I asked her to keep monitoring him, as I strongly believe there is more to this, than what I have been told by our doctors. My intuition is telling me so. But for now I just record the information and thank god that we are heading out of the Summer -heat!
I also need to get my son back to the Chiropractor. It's on the long list for this week. I notice how he walks around our home, on his tiptoes, trying to adjust himself, mimicking the sound of my Chiro's adjuster (a click noise). He then places my hands on his forehead to apply pressure. Essentially communicating his needs. He is so clever!
Funding for therapy and Chiropractors, Paediatricians, Ear Nose and Throat Specialists, Swimming Lessons etc has been almost non-existent. I guess when you trying to pay for all medical and educational expenses on your own, with a pension, things can become extremely tough. It isn't possible to give my sons the therapy they need, when I am the only liable parent. I have had to make some difficult choices. But with family support have managed to work around this, for the previous 4 years. But there is a need for change. It may not exactly be fair, and yes I have challenged the systems in place before, facing court, filing applications, but I guess I had to decide whether it was better overall, to give-up the "fight" in order to win the "war ". The whole process drains me physically and I need that "sense of spirit" for my kids. With funding options ceasing this year, and a new desire to achieve goals for myself, I need to make changes.
Disappointment creeps in at times. Life for my boys, should be so much easier. This is all I have ever requested though. When parents go their separate ways it certainly should not affect their children's quality of life... but in reality it does. I know that I have been naive in expecting that sense of parental responsibility would just happen. For some, it just doesn't.
I would love to source, where it is written that, people have the right to make children, bring them in the world, but somehow, are not accountable for raising their child ! Parenthood requires "courage".
I would love to source, where it is written that, people have the right to make children, bring them in the world, but somehow, are not accountable for raising their child ! Parenthood requires "courage".
I really don't like procrastinating on this topic, but unfortunately, it plays a role when trying to raise kids with special needs. Many parents go through the same thing everyday, people just don't talk about it. It is personal, we need to be respectful of that and I guess, that is why I stayed silent for so many years.
I have been fortunate to have met some beautiful families and amazing parents through ASD support groups. We have shared our thoughts concerning families, Autism and challenges. Amongst many conversations, I continually hear, that there is an inability to prioritise family over individual needs. This was really prevalent. Now some might just view this selfishness... and essentially they would be right. But, I guess when this so called "selfishness", leads to life changes, disrupts relationships, work, friendships or even impacts the welfare of children, support is needed.
My family's wonderful Psychologist, Professor Tony Attwood, once told me that Aspergers is usually the underlying issue when treating Adult Depression, Anxiety, Breakdowns, and the inability to sustain employment, relationships and family. It affects how a person functions or copes with life. Depression certainly doesn't cause Aspergers, but Depression or Anxiety can in some cases, stem from AspergersAspergers.
I understand now, that this was purely "mother's guilt", and that I had no control over what had occurred in our situation..
I understand now, that this was purely "mother's guilt", and that I had no control over what had occurred in our situation..
I do believe it was important seek support about these fears and not to avoid asking the questions. I can recall, I was hesitant to hear the answers at the time... especially by someone as knowledgeable as Tony. But I have discovered by having an understanding of who you are, your self identity including all your good and bad qualities, your morals, values, consciousness and feelings, to place value on this self acceptance, allows us to laugh, learn and live. Different roles are presented to us at various stages within our life and it is our self identity that determines, how we adapt, survive, problem solve, function, communicate, learn and guide when in these roles. Our self Identity I guess, is responsible for our quality of life. Happiness, security, acceptance, faith, hope and love..... we all desire these things and deserve to have them. It is human nature.
"And remember, no matter where you go, there you are. " ~Confucius
"You have the Answer. Just get quiet enough to hear it. " ~Pat Obuchowski
“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.” ~Albert Einstein
No comments:
Post a Comment