A woman goes to her psychiatrist and complains, "I can't make any friends, doctor"
He replies, "Why do you think that is?"
She answered, "I don't know, you stupid, fat, ugly idiot."
"The Power of Words."
I have to refer to this phrase continually within my home. Words can be just as powerful as our actions. When used in the right context, they can bring power, love, anger, respect and good-will. They can educate, inspire and destroy, bring hope and leave confusion.
I was trying to explain the "power of words" today to my eldest. He is writing an assignment on Nelson Mandela. It was so difficult for him to grasp meaning, the essence or message behind words used by inspirational heroes, like Mandela. I wanted my son to feel the passion of what was said, during that particular time. But...and I do tend to do this, purely forget, just for a minute. That is, I forget that my boys have in a sense, "loose wiring" when it comes to this type of thinking and emotion. Now it certainly doesn't mean that this loose wiring can not be mended (sure I can do almost anything with a handy cable-tie!) but seriously, I think today I just highlighted another area in need of refining. That's all. Things like this happen all the time. As my son said in is own words...."mum I just need you to find a way to help me understand in my language..."
I often wonder how difficult it must be to not be able to say what you want. I guess I take my ability to think, sequence and voice words for granted. Most afternoons, I sit and talk to my sons about their day. The youngest, just mimics everything I say. This is also called echolalia: a speech term in which words or sounds heard, are repeated. Sometimes you get a word or a phrase... "swimming is fun!", but generally I have to rely on others to tell me about his day at school. If I ask him a simple question, he repeats it. I can actually see him thinking and processing, then frowning as he struggles to speak.
My eldest, as mentioned earlier, also has difficulty trying to say what is on his mind. Frustration kicks in, followed by anger when he is thinking of a word but cannot say it. This is usually followed by self doubt, because he considers himself mindless. It's a cycle!
Can we honestly say, that we understand how blessed we are, just to have the ability of speech?
The words we use each and every day, so effortlessly, hold such value. I know I heard for many years at school, that I had a rather advanced level of speech.... but not in a good way, like when used for debating or English studies. My ability was more in the social context. I know one of my faults is to talk way too fast and say way too much... especially when I am nervous or unsure in a situation. Some people are "soft-talkers"/"loud-talkers"/ too abrupt/ too dramatic/ too demanding/ to over-excited. Everyone has little quirks. I actually envy those who have the ability to not say anything. The people who just sit and listen, reserving judgement or opinion until the time is right. The deep thinkers! This intrigues me, as I strive to slow down and try to be similar. (Stop laughing BBF!)
When my youngest child attended Speech therapy for 4 years, we had gone through months and months of no progress. Then, all of a sudden, a small success. When speaking to his speech therapist about over-talking, he told me that it wasn't uncommon for parents of Autistic children to talk a lot. It is like you try to overcompensate for your child's lack of speech. In my son's early, early days, I was told to verbalise everything I did. To surround him with words, sounds and speech. It took a while to adopt this; because the smallest act, like cutting bread, needed to be verbalised. This was before he was diagnosed. It's hard to adopt and follow through with these programs especially when you are trying to cope with so many other issues consuming your life. It was the same when I learnt sign-language, picture ex-change, Hanen, ABA and a few of the other programs I tried. I was so desperate to connect and understand my son....to hear him speak. But time came when I realised the power of words, the power of "fast and furious words" as a way of communication, was not the choice for my boys. I had to consider their Auditory Processing difficulties and delays in sequencing what they needed to say. It was like their minds required more time to think and reflect. The boys required "wait" time. I suppose living in a world of pace, and speed, when you seem to be rushing everywhere, no one really has the "time" to wait. I saw this continually at school, when I was teaching. There was always way too much to do. Work that you, as an educator were liable for. Activities had to be completed. Time was always precious. Then as well, a working parent, racing home to domestic duties. Again I found, there was never enough time to just sit and think, relax and enjoy moments with my family.
I believe this was another reason why I became so drawn to R.D.I. The whole "less is more" approach. The slowing down, the waiting. I have seen this work! Not pushing for a quick response and removing that tension and expectation of wanting speech. It really does make a huge difference. The R.D.I concept of, not just using words to send a message but to look at body language, expression, tone, mannerisms, infer, predict,the ability to understand meaning without the use of words. All of these things, are foundations needed to communicate effectively. To be understood, so we can place meaning behind our words.
Whenever parenting limits are pushed, or differences of opinion arise, it is so easy to say words we really do not mean. I highlight these all the time to my sons. When emotionally, we say things we shouldn't. I use phrases like; "angry words", or "using self-control on our mouths." This is a really challenging thing to do, firstly when you are a 12 year old boy and secondly when you have a "bush-lawyer" trait of, only viewing things from your perspective. I have seen my eldest son adopting these phrases at school and by highlighting the power of saying nothing, the benefits of silence are really working for him. I guess I should strive to be more like him....
Maybe life would be a little less complex.
"The Power of Words."
I have to refer to this phrase continually within my home. Words can be just as powerful as our actions. When used in the right context, they can bring power, love, anger, respect and good-will. They can educate, inspire and destroy, bring hope and leave confusion.
I was trying to explain the "power of words" today to my eldest. He is writing an assignment on Nelson Mandela. It was so difficult for him to grasp meaning, the essence or message behind words used by inspirational heroes, like Mandela. I wanted my son to feel the passion of what was said, during that particular time. But...and I do tend to do this, purely forget, just for a minute. That is, I forget that my boys have in a sense, "loose wiring" when it comes to this type of thinking and emotion. Now it certainly doesn't mean that this loose wiring can not be mended (sure I can do almost anything with a handy cable-tie!) but seriously, I think today I just highlighted another area in need of refining. That's all. Things like this happen all the time. As my son said in is own words...."mum I just need you to find a way to help me understand in my language..."
I often wonder how difficult it must be to not be able to say what you want. I guess I take my ability to think, sequence and voice words for granted. Most afternoons, I sit and talk to my sons about their day. The youngest, just mimics everything I say. This is also called echolalia: a speech term in which words or sounds heard, are repeated. Sometimes you get a word or a phrase... "swimming is fun!", but generally I have to rely on others to tell me about his day at school. If I ask him a simple question, he repeats it. I can actually see him thinking and processing, then frowning as he struggles to speak.
My eldest, as mentioned earlier, also has difficulty trying to say what is on his mind. Frustration kicks in, followed by anger when he is thinking of a word but cannot say it. This is usually followed by self doubt, because he considers himself mindless. It's a cycle!
Can we honestly say, that we understand how blessed we are, just to have the ability of speech?
The words we use each and every day, so effortlessly, hold such value. I know I heard for many years at school, that I had a rather advanced level of speech.... but not in a good way, like when used for debating or English studies. My ability was more in the social context. I know one of my faults is to talk way too fast and say way too much... especially when I am nervous or unsure in a situation. Some people are "soft-talkers"/"loud-talkers"/ too abrupt/ too dramatic/ too demanding/ to over-excited. Everyone has little quirks. I actually envy those who have the ability to not say anything. The people who just sit and listen, reserving judgement or opinion until the time is right. The deep thinkers! This intrigues me, as I strive to slow down and try to be similar. (Stop laughing BBF!)
When my youngest child attended Speech therapy for 4 years, we had gone through months and months of no progress. Then, all of a sudden, a small success. When speaking to his speech therapist about over-talking, he told me that it wasn't uncommon for parents of Autistic children to talk a lot. It is like you try to overcompensate for your child's lack of speech. In my son's early, early days, I was told to verbalise everything I did. To surround him with words, sounds and speech. It took a while to adopt this; because the smallest act, like cutting bread, needed to be verbalised. This was before he was diagnosed. It's hard to adopt and follow through with these programs especially when you are trying to cope with so many other issues consuming your life. It was the same when I learnt sign-language, picture ex-change, Hanen, ABA and a few of the other programs I tried. I was so desperate to connect and understand my son....to hear him speak. But time came when I realised the power of words, the power of "fast and furious words" as a way of communication, was not the choice for my boys. I had to consider their Auditory Processing difficulties and delays in sequencing what they needed to say. It was like their minds required more time to think and reflect. The boys required "wait" time. I suppose living in a world of pace, and speed, when you seem to be rushing everywhere, no one really has the "time" to wait. I saw this continually at school, when I was teaching. There was always way too much to do. Work that you, as an educator were liable for. Activities had to be completed. Time was always precious. Then as well, a working parent, racing home to domestic duties. Again I found, there was never enough time to just sit and think, relax and enjoy moments with my family.
I believe this was another reason why I became so drawn to R.D.I. The whole "less is more" approach. The slowing down, the waiting. I have seen this work! Not pushing for a quick response and removing that tension and expectation of wanting speech. It really does make a huge difference. The R.D.I concept of, not just using words to send a message but to look at body language, expression, tone, mannerisms, infer, predict,the ability to understand meaning without the use of words. All of these things, are foundations needed to communicate effectively. To be understood, so we can place meaning behind our words.
Whenever parenting limits are pushed, or differences of opinion arise, it is so easy to say words we really do not mean. I highlight these all the time to my sons. When emotionally, we say things we shouldn't. I use phrases like; "angry words", or "using self-control on our mouths." This is a really challenging thing to do, firstly when you are a 12 year old boy and secondly when you have a "bush-lawyer" trait of, only viewing things from your perspective. I have seen my eldest son adopting these phrases at school and by highlighting the power of saying nothing, the benefits of silence are really working for him. I guess I should strive to be more like him....
Maybe life would be a little less complex.
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