Taking Time To Give Thanks

This morning when I pulled myself out of bed, I was tired.  My batteries are beginning to
drain. The past few weeks have been difficult and the challenges the boys and I have been facing were beginning to take hold of me. I checked my emails and immediately, have to suit up the old emotional armour. I start reading about the days new obstacles. I can guarantee that at the start of most mornings... there it is, in black and white, a whole new list of opponents to dual. And as I do this I know it is only a matter of time before I will have no energy left to draw on.
The boys have slept in again... I can see they are getting really tired. We begin the arduous task of bustling without stressing, preparing for school. I get my youngest son's toast ready, the same thing each morning.... 2 slices of bread, toasted - one slice has Vegemite, while the other is cut in half... one side with peanut butter and the other side, strawberry jam.  It frustrates me that he won't try and have something different. But when he is struggling so much to settle at school, the goal here isn't to force him to try new food, it is to get him to eat. I decide not to confront him today so at least I know he and eaten and will be able to focus, coping with the mornings demands. Smile and wave I say to myself.... just smile and wave!
But as I am preparing lunches calling out orders from our kitchen.... or really nagging, I get something that is so unexpected, it has totally over-whelmed me.
I call out to my youngest saying "Come on love... we must keep eating our toast!"  I have already said this about 10 times this morning. I feel like a record player.  And then out of absolutely no where.... my youngest, non-verbal angel replies with....
"L _ _  _ _ _  eating toast." I look up from cutting sandwiches and here he is sitting on the chair in front of the wiggles, he had turn around, looking at me, holding his piece of Vegemite toast in air, showing me he was eating. He had in essence for the first time in  almost 7 years, back-chatted!  
I was so astounded, that I could do was cheer, cry, apologise for my mistake and just hug and kiss him. He had no idea of why I was making such a fuss. He was probably thinking.."Gee I wish she would just back off and stop yakin'".  This is absolutely huge for us, a massive step forward!  My oldest son looks over, observing the antics in the kitchen and says, "Mum you are so emotional!"  I look over at him wiping the tears from my eyes and say "Yeah I know... but you gotta love me!"  He rolls his eyes in response.


I guess it is moments like this that make it all worthwhile.  I am so grateful right now for everything in my life. This feeling is almost indescribable.  I am overcome with pride, I am thankful, energised, emotional, inspired, relieved, shocked .... it is just the most incredible sensation. It may not be such a big deal to anyone else, but for our family, it is these little signs, little achievements, that hold so much meaning. This is what my life is all about and really this is why I had started the blog. The previous few posts have been mainly about all the things that make living with ASD challenging, but the goal for those, was raising awareness.
The break-through I had with my son this morning is the real reason why I am writing things down.  These are the experiences I want to share. I know that this blog is only a chapter in the legacy I want to leave my children.  It is so important to me that they will be able to look back at our life and be proud of who their mother was. I hear all the time from people.. "I don't know how you do it! /  being a sole mum and coping with special needs must be so hard!"  my reply is usually.. "well that's life.. I just have to cope, it just has to be done."  But in essence, this is how I cope.  My sons are constantly inspiring me to keep going.  This morning, my youngest has given me so much hope, just from that connection. He has energised my tired batteries, recharged my determination and will, making me feel stronger than I have in weeks.  Honestly, nothing will wipe the smile off my face today!


When the boys were younger I used to say to my older son.... "God has given your brother to us for a reason. He knew that you and I were strong and loving enough to help him."  But now I think, that L _ _ _ _ _ is a gift... a precious gift from God.  He was given to us for one reason....to inspire us and light the way.
So today I am giving thanks for my amazing angels. My life would be so incomplete without them, they are my saving grace.