D-Day....
Tomorrow is "D-Day" for my youngest son..... Drug-Day that is.
We are off to see his Pediatrician and face a fate that I been desperately trying to avoid for years. I was hoping and praying that after we got through his Adenoidectomy this year, his sleep and overall ability to cope with mainstream school would settle down. But after a few months now of erratic sleep patterns and behaviour, squealing, resistance and severe banging of his head out of frustration while at school.... a setting where he is expected to conform somewhat.... I need to go and face the possibility of looking at chemical therapy. Drugs to help him concentrate within a school setting.
I am trying to be open-minded.
I am trying to look at this from an non-emotional perspective.
I loathe these decisions..... but unfortunately someone has to make them and carry the guilt if all goes horribly wrong. In my previous few appointments, the possibility of chemicals has been raised before. It's not that uncommon.... especially with kids on the Spectrum. From my own personal experience I understand the need to rebalance your mind. The chemicals will, I have been assured, help to do this.
Tomorrow will be interesting. I have previously discussed with my child's Pediatrician, that if I choose the path of drugging my child, and due to the fact that he is non-verbal and cannot tell me if any of the long list of sight effects is being experienced.... that he had better organise to drug me with the same medication first. That is the only way I will administer the tablets. I need to know how he could be reacting. You can imagine my specialists reaction.... but if these "drugs" are as harmless and useful as I have been told.... bring it on! There shouldn't be any reason for me to react. In fact unless I am Autistic and not yet realised it..... they will not effect me at all !
Why do I suddenly feel like a caged laboratory rat?
I guess I just feel that it is just the most unnatural thing for a parent to consider. Using drugs so other can "cope" with your child..... drugs to help them be "normal" and "conform".... it is so contradictory. But unless I go this road... I will never know. And besides I am not doing this for anyone else but my child. If it helps him..... If it makes his world a little easier.... if it takes away his frustration of not being able to communicate. I have voiced my opinion to all those who will listen, DRUGS WILL NOT MAKE HIM SPEAK! I need that message to be heard loud and clear. I actually don't know what they will do..... or how they will affect him.
Time to take a deep, long, breath... and step of the edge... into the unknown.
I am trying to be open-minded.
I am trying to look at this from an non-emotional perspective.
I loathe these decisions..... but unfortunately someone has to make them and carry the guilt if all goes horribly wrong. In my previous few appointments, the possibility of chemicals has been raised before. It's not that uncommon.... especially with kids on the Spectrum. From my own personal experience I understand the need to rebalance your mind. The chemicals will, I have been assured, help to do this.
Tomorrow will be interesting. I have previously discussed with my child's Pediatrician, that if I choose the path of drugging my child, and due to the fact that he is non-verbal and cannot tell me if any of the long list of sight effects is being experienced.... that he had better organise to drug me with the same medication first. That is the only way I will administer the tablets. I need to know how he could be reacting. You can imagine my specialists reaction.... but if these "drugs" are as harmless and useful as I have been told.... bring it on! There shouldn't be any reason for me to react. In fact unless I am Autistic and not yet realised it..... they will not effect me at all !
Why do I suddenly feel like a caged laboratory rat?
I guess I just feel that it is just the most unnatural thing for a parent to consider. Using drugs so other can "cope" with your child..... drugs to help them be "normal" and "conform".... it is so contradictory. But unless I go this road... I will never know. And besides I am not doing this for anyone else but my child. If it helps him..... If it makes his world a little easier.... if it takes away his frustration of not being able to communicate. I have voiced my opinion to all those who will listen, DRUGS WILL NOT MAKE HIM SPEAK! I need that message to be heard loud and clear. I actually don't know what they will do..... or how they will affect him.
Time to take a deep, long, breath... and step of the edge... into the unknown.
1 comment:
I have been dreading the same situation with my daughter. Your outlook is so supportive, saying what we are all thinking. May your family be blessed by the Lord Our Father.
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