JUST SAY "YES" TO DRUGS!

JUST SAY "YES" TO DRUGS!

As you know we have taken the step toward giving my youngest behavioural medication to help him focus at school and control his emotional outbursts. The decision has been a difficult one, but I had to take it under advisement, in the hope that my son would find everyday life, a little easier.

The first day, he was seemingly a different child at school. Settled and focused. By the time school pick-up came around, the drugs had supposedly worn off. However during that afternoon his Autistic traits had escalated... less talking, more vacant staring, his energy levels were through the roof and basically his behaviour was out of control - crying, laughing unable to stabilise his emotions. That night he slept for 3 hours.

The next day I tried to keep perspective on the situation. He wasn't as settled as the first day but still had moments where he was really focused completing all his work. All that week he slept for around 3-4 hours per night. I would take him swimming in the afternoon to try and wear off some of that energy.... but nothing would work. I prepared dinner and bath-time routines earlier so he would spend the early hours of the night in his bed, reading. However it was like his mind was racing. He would play, read and babble for hours on end. I felt so helpless as I didn't know how to help my child. It reminded me of when he was first diagnosed.  This continued all over the weekend too. I was advised not to stop and start the medication as it would interfere with the following week. So by the time Sunday rolled around, my eldest and I were suffering. We were moody, emotions were high, simply exhausted.

 My youngest was attending school, swimming and being as active as normal.... running on 3 hours sleep per night. Some may be wondering why I didn't rest while he was at school ?

Well life must go on. I had domestic duties to do, shopping washing, cooking, cleaning as well as still attending to commitments.  On Tuesday, after attending a Paediatrician appointment for my eldest, and hearing how his right ear drum was damaged from an infection he had two years ago, after given the all clear from the Royal Children's Hospital.... I was on the edge. My son needed a hearing test to determine if his hearing was affected.  Now I know there was an issue as I had been querying this with my G.P for months, but I needed a referral. So I raced the children  off to my G.P for yet another appointment.  When we arrived, I heard that I needed to then cancel the hearing test as my son had an infection. I didn't know and he hadn't been complaining... but we had been swimming so much to wear out the youngest at the local pool, I wasn't really surprised.  At that point I sent my eldest from the room, and proceeded to sit in front of my G.P. whom I have known for almost 13 years and cried. I just couldn't stop. I begged for answers on "why my child wouldn't sleep?.... who lives like this it's crazy?..... I can't do it any more!.... Why does it have to be this hard?"  At that point my G.P handed me a box a tissues and asked if I felt depressed?  Did I think I needed more medication and go back on antidepressants ?  I stopped crying... looked up at him and said....

"No!  I just need #@*% sleep!"

He agreed with me, (it was a test I think....) and asked if I had any help?  Again through the tears I just quietly answered "No!"

I reassured him that I was O.k..... but I just really needed some sleep. It is so difficult to stay strong, clear and positive when you are so exhausted you can't keep your eyes open.

He was honest.... he couldn't really give me too much information on the drugs my youngest was taking. It's not his speciality. But he did insist, that I do not hesitate to call my Paediatrician to inform him of what was going on. He also reminded me that this is all part of having a child with a disability, there are always issues to tackle.

I left his office feeling worse for wear... annoyed at myself for loosing it!  I took my boys home and prayed that the youngest would just sleep.... just a little longer tonight.

But of course....he didn't .

It wasn't until the following night that he slept for 6 hours and has stayed on that routine up until last night. (We are back to 4 hours.) It doesn't seem to matter as much though because I have had a few nights of extra rest. He has been more stable at school and is even talking more.... just a few extra sentences and words. The medication is obviously building up in his system, helping to slow down his thought processes.  Next week I will need to increase his dosage. We had started off really low as my son wouldn't be able to express any discomfort from side effects....just for the first two weeks... but then we would need to adjust it more, to suit his body weight.  My fear is that it will throw out his sleeping patterns or rather what is left of the patterns, but I guess I will just take each day as it comes.... and wait.

I have been receiving encouraging words from those around me, trying to hold me up when my legs are weak.... and my closet confidantes reminding me that I will get through this, that storms never last, to have faith and be the strong woman that they know me to be. I am so grateful for these people in my life, but really.... these challenging times must be my responsibility.... whether I like it or not. For only then can I learn and grow stronger from the experience.... better prepared for next time.

Stay Blessed.