THE LOST SYMBOL.

THE LOST SYMBOL.

This week I lost my beautiful "circle of life" pendant.  This particular symbol was extremely important to me. I had bought it around four years ago, as a reminder of the difficulties I had risen above. At that particular moment in my life, I was finally beginning to see a light in the darkest of days. It was a very gradual awakening. I was once again feeling more confident in my abilities to withstand everyday challenges. I wasn't afraid any more. It also reminded me to be strong, to never give up and to once again aspire to a future with my children. I guess on the most challenging of days, I would just take a minute for myself..... hold my pendant, that always hung around my neck and just breathe. I immediately knew... I would get through, and as silly as it sounds, it gave me hope.

Now it wasn't a magical pendant... just a plain old gold circle, bought at the local jewellers. But I guess it was the reason behind why I had bought it that made it so unique. I had finally felt for the first time, in months and months of drowning in emotional turmoil, that I had come "full circle" in my life. It was so reflective of what I was experiencing. Starting anew, but this time with two little boys to protect and guide.  It is difficult to make that shift in mindset. From having a partner for so many years, making joint decisions, making joint sacrifices for the good of the family, always having someone by your side, the security..... to being on your own.  I guess that is why I placed so much faith into a meaningless token.  I felt I needed something to believe in again. Every symbol that represented by life and relationships prior, were at the time, meaningless to me..... full of pain and lies. I needed something new. A special token, that I had given to me. Something that I could truly believe in. I had promised myself I would never go down a path of insecurity and disbelief and fear again.... starting my life once more, placing faith into something that I thought would always be there.

So you can imagine the distress I felt this week when I discovered that my necklace had broken and my symbol of hope and strength was gone.  I was so sad. I had retraced my steps, called all the shops and doctors I had visited that day. No one had found it and to this day, it is still missing.  During the week I have been a little low.  Feeling a little lost and vulnerable.  I know this was because I was so disappointed in myself for loosing my pendant.  I failed to rise above particular challenges that presented themselves and basically.... I just couldn't get "my act together." 

 But as with most things in life..... the days pass and time heals.  Just as the previous years have, just as the past week has.  Now that my pendant is gone, I have come to accept the notion that I don't need to wear a symbol of strength... I already have one..... in my spirit, and in me. What has happened I cannot change. The pendant is gone but that doesn't mean that I am not perfectly capable of pulling myself together in times of need. I am still capable of rising above and still strong enough to stand on my feet after being knocked down... going another round....never giving up.

It's ironic really. Whether it's a tattoo on our behind, a wedding ring on our finger, or a pendant around our neck..... it shouldn't make any difference, they are in a sense, just symbols. But what is important to realise is, their special "power"  comes from what we turn them into. Sometimes I think it's easier to believe in a symbol, than to take the time to truly understand how and what we know and accept. It is easier to have faith in something that we can physically see.  Relationships, Life and Communication are powerful things.  How we act in a Relationship, what we Experience and learn from life and how we Communicate... not only to those around us but with ourselves, are powerful attributes. We shouldn't need to wear a symbol to remind us of that. All we need to do is to stop, listen and appreciate what our inner-spirit is telling us.

There is a saying used.....

"Your faith and spirit never abandon you in times of need.  

It is YOU that looses hope and belief.

They are always there..... awaiting for you to find them.

All you have to do is take the time to look."