I don't like Mondays!

I Don't Like Monday's....

When Monday morning finally arrives, it is the start of a new week. All the past challenging days are forgotten and it is a new beginning. Well that is how I usually look at Monday mornings. My youngest son has obviously decided that he doesn't think like me. He has taken it upon himself to challenge the powers that be.... being as difficult as he can possible aspire to at the beginning of the week. Today was one of those days.... full of challenging behaviour, squeals and continual disruptions. The frustrating thing is, my son is acting like any other normal child, testing limits and pushing proverbial buttons. Every parent knows this behaviour and I spoken of it before - the terrible two's. However when you are seven years old... this is not acceptable. Especially within a classroom setting. I really do have to acknowledge my son's persuasive talents. He knows exactly what actions to demonstrate when he doesn't want to do any work. He has taken to hugs, smooches on the cheek, cheeky looks, big smiles and "puppy-dog eyes", all to manipulate a situation to go in his favour. It has worked in the past, as everyone around him is sensitive to his Autistic traits, knowing it is tough, wanting to intervene before he hits melt-down mode. He has gotten time out of the classroom to retreat to the quite of the Learning Support Room.... equipped with mini golf games and ten pin bowling, magnetics and other cool stuff. Why would you want to be in a noisy classroom doing worksheets when you have that other option? Problem is as you can possible tell by now, he has worked out what to do.... to get him to the golden haven of fun games..... clever isn't he!

When arriving to school to pick up my children, I am approached by his beautiful teacher.... Miss D. She is a brilliant teacher. I hear about his day.... it isn't good. But Miss D and I have a history, she knows my family well (teaching my eldest son too). She knows I expect honesty and in return I am very open with her too. I think my son would be a complete nightmare to teach in the classroom. He would drive me nuts! But this is where Miss D and I differ. She has the "Patience of Jobe" as they say. She is kind and caring but also routined and persistent. He is challenging her and she is sticking to her guns, being firm, but calm, following through with consequences. Holding the routine and not budging from the line she has drawn in the sand!...... if my son thinks he is going to win this battle... he has chosen the wrong opponent. We discussed various ideas on how to curb his disruptive behaviours, both wanting to do the best thing for my son. I finally came to the conclusion that, I would support Miss D, in whatever ideas and strategies she decides to use. You see I am relying on her natural mothering skills and natural teaching rapport to connect with my son. Even though we are changing our attitudes at home, not compensating for my sons ASD traits, I am still learning to change my ways. It is very easy for a parent to do what they have to do... to cope or survive the day. In essence, the way you raise your kids is different from what would have happened if your children had been not Autistic. But, will this style of parenting really benefit your children, helping them in the long run to cope and understand real life? These train of thoughts were the reason behind our family learning about R.D.I . This therapy looked at quality of life.... not just coping skills.

So Miss D needs to follow her instincts with my full support. We need to reaffirm limits for my son. He needs to know that Miss D is his teacher and accept guidance from her. We joked yesterday how similar it was to control crying... but really Miss D has a mammoth task on her hands. Our school and supports are continually having to review and change ways to communicate and help my son. One strategy will work for a few weeks, but then all of a sudden it doesn't... and a change in thinking is required. I guess I am just really blessed that I have a school and network that is so willing to do this.

I believe that this is where parents and schools need to work on their partnerships, together building communication bridges to benefit everyone. This is why it is so important. I know my son would not receive this level of care anywhere else.... some schools would just not be financially capable of the aide time alone. Some teaching staff would not be able to rise to the challenge of my son. But in relationships, we learn from each other, we respect each other and we support each other. No matter what type of relationship you are in .... communication is the key. Honesty, integrity, trust, appreciation will come if built on communication. You really need this as a foundation. For a minute too, think what wonderful skills you are modelling to your children, by demonstrating these actions.