THE COUNTDOWN!
The clock is ticking and the countdown is on.
I don't think I could pop any more Nervatona, Vitamin B and Kava Calm (natural remedies for stress). I am trying to center myself, taking time to think positive, to pray, breathe anything I can possibly do just to remain relaxed and confident.... oh ok.... I'm sprung! Maybe I stretched the truth a little there.... it's more like a combination of smoking, drinking and running until I vomit. Don't recommend it!
I think I am strong enough to get through the next few days. I know that I have support from family and friends. I'm hoping I can keep my emotions under control. I just keep reminding myself... it's a simple operation. But there is a cloud hanging over my head....it's fear.... I'm terrified that my youngest boy will regress. Go backwards as he did a few weeks ago after his seizure. I don't think I could deal with the sorrow of seeing that again. We have all worked so hard for so long, so many years. We have sacrificed everything for therapy. To be confronted with the chance of loosing his small amount of speech that he has..... to go back to that total silence.... it's scares me. I know all too well the frustration and confusion on his face when he tries to speak but nothing comes out.... we live with it daily.....it's heartbreaking.
My other concern.....when he goes under in the anaesthetic. I can't explain to him what he will be doing at the hospital or what will be happening. It is the fear in his eyes that I dread the most. I know he will be looking to me for reassurance. I know the doctors, lights and masks worn by the medical staff will terrify him. I know he will resist and will possibly need restraining. I only pray that I will be able to go with him into the theatre while they put him under. And once we get over that hurdle, then it will be him waking up. How will he come out of it all ? There is a risk of him seizing. Again the regression associated with this. Of course in the back of my mind is the pain factor too. He won't be able to tell me if he is in pain. No mother wants to see her child in any sort of distress. Also the sooner he can take fluids the better. There is a chance he won't swallow or eat so we may need feeding tubes inserted..... I've been told what to do if he ruptures his throat... a 7/10 chance he will. I know the drill. But like the seizure he had last year.... I panicked under the pressure. What if I do that again?
Ok... when I reviewed everything I just said....
I don't know if I can do this... to make those tough decisions.
The pressure of being the one responsible for all this.... is agony.
My family and friends try to support.... but they have absolutely no idea of how difficult this day will be... so maybe it's better that I am on my own in this.
The reality of the situation is....
The clock is ticking and the countdown is on.
I don't think I could pop any more Nervatona, Vitamin B and Kava Calm (natural remedies for stress). I am trying to center myself, taking time to think positive, to pray, breathe anything I can possibly do just to remain relaxed and confident.... oh ok.... I'm sprung! Maybe I stretched the truth a little there.... it's more like a combination of smoking, drinking and running until I vomit. Don't recommend it!
I think I am strong enough to get through the next few days. I know that I have support from family and friends. I'm hoping I can keep my emotions under control. I just keep reminding myself... it's a simple operation. But there is a cloud hanging over my head....it's fear.... I'm terrified that my youngest boy will regress. Go backwards as he did a few weeks ago after his seizure. I don't think I could deal with the sorrow of seeing that again. We have all worked so hard for so long, so many years. We have sacrificed everything for therapy. To be confronted with the chance of loosing his small amount of speech that he has..... to go back to that total silence.... it's scares me. I know all too well the frustration and confusion on his face when he tries to speak but nothing comes out.... we live with it daily.....it's heartbreaking.
My other concern.....when he goes under in the anaesthetic. I can't explain to him what he will be doing at the hospital or what will be happening. It is the fear in his eyes that I dread the most. I know he will be looking to me for reassurance. I know the doctors, lights and masks worn by the medical staff will terrify him. I know he will resist and will possibly need restraining. I only pray that I will be able to go with him into the theatre while they put him under. And once we get over that hurdle, then it will be him waking up. How will he come out of it all ? There is a risk of him seizing. Again the regression associated with this. Of course in the back of my mind is the pain factor too. He won't be able to tell me if he is in pain. No mother wants to see her child in any sort of distress. Also the sooner he can take fluids the better. There is a chance he won't swallow or eat so we may need feeding tubes inserted..... I've been told what to do if he ruptures his throat... a 7/10 chance he will. I know the drill. But like the seizure he had last year.... I panicked under the pressure. What if I do that again?
Ok... when I reviewed everything I just said....
I don't know if I can do this... to make those tough decisions.
The pressure of being the one responsible for all this.... is agony.
My family and friends try to support.... but they have absolutely no idea of how difficult this day will be... so maybe it's better that I am on my own in this.
The reality of the situation is....
I found this and thought it said it all really.
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